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This illustration marks the halfway point in this project - Illustration 22 out of what will be a total of 44.
You'd think I'd be elated and beaming with accomplishment. You'd think I'd be feeling mighty proud of myself right about now for getting this far in what I've set out to do.
You'd think.
But rather that stating I feel "Concordant" as the illustration of Concordia suggests I might, I've placed my mood status on my MySpace page as "Saturnine" today. It seemed a fitting description of how I feel - the day after wrapping up Illustration 22.
Let me try to explain...
Both Saturn and Concordia are Roman gods of antiquity. Both also have Greek counterparts... but let's talk about Saturn first.
The Roman god, SaturnIn Greek mythology, Saturn was known as Kronos, the youngest of five titans that overthrew their father, Ouranos. In turn, Kronos was overthrown by one of his sons, Zeus, who then became the ruler of the gods of Mount Olympus in the Greek pantheon. Zeus banished his father for eternity within the confines of Tartarus, a deep, gloomy prison located in the Greek underworld, Hades. Tartarus was probably the closest thing the Greeks had to what Christians later described as their concept of Hell.
Saturn/Kronos is said to be a god who sows the seeds of life but also the harvester of the crop. In essence, he is connected to the concept of Time as it pertains to human life. He is often depicted wielding a scythe. The archetype of the Grim Reaper has it's ties to the mythological figure of Saturn/Kronos.
Concordia's Greek counterpart, on the other hand, is a goddess called Harmonia. And whether she be called Concordia or Harmonia, she is the goddess of bliss, joy of life and living, agreement, understanding, harmony as well as marital happiness. The Latin word Concordia literally translates to "in harmony with one's heart".
Concordia as the caduceus, itselfShe is often depicted holding the caduceus, a symbol adopted by the North American medical profession, that depicts two serpents entwined around a winged rod and forming a double helix. It's the emblem of the archetype of The Herald or The Messenger - and Concordia is, indeed, a Messenger. She is also often shown with a patera, a shallow ritual bowl that, when filled with water, is said to represent the sustenance of life.
The Fleur-de-lis is modeled after the lilyIn the illustration, she holds a lily and lilies surround her. This flower is often seen as an emblem of purity and innocence of the heart and, like the Fleur-de-lis, is a symbol of, yet again, heraldry. In my mind, the lilies that surround her are yellow, indicating sunshine, joy and happiness.
Joseph CampbellWhen contemplating the energy of Concordia while I was working on her this week, three simple words run through my mind - Follow your bliss. These three words are part of a lengthier statement that comprise a concept coined by the revered professor and lecturer of comparative religions and mythology, the late, great Joseph Campbell:
Campbell also wrote, "If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living... If you are following your bliss, you are enjoying the refreshment, that life within you, all the time."
I'm sure you're probably sensing some conflict here. If, while working on the Concordia illustration all week long I've heard the mantra "Follow your bliss" resounding over and over again in my head, why on earth would I be feeling Saturnine - gloomy, morose, glum - today rather than vibrant, joyful and self-satisfied? Why am I not all blissed out?
Well, for one, it's taken me five and a half months to get to the halfway mark. When I started this project I'd been averaging two illustrations a week. It was all I wanted to focus on - and it still is. By my early calculations, I expected I would be done with this project and ready to send it off to publishers by the end of 2008.
Yet life does not run in a straight line and numerous things crop up from one day to another that require one to give their focus and energy to in order to maintain some sense of order. There are responsibilities and obligations to be met - whether we want to meet them or not. We know we either should or have to in order to maintain a life that's functional and balanced. And sometimes we get distracted or try to cram too much into our lives, thinking we can do it all and do it all right now. Sometimes, suddenly, life can feel confining and cluttered with things we didn't expect we'd be dealing with or that we want to give our attention to but in order to do so, it requires a reallocation of our time and energy.
Over the last five and a half months I've encountered all of the above. Some of these things, I realize, there isn't much I can do to foresee or prevent. Others, however, are things I've allowed - and then I feel frustrated because I start to feel I don't have enough time to create and, well, to follow my Bliss.
We all have different ideas about what our personal sense of bliss means to us. Our definitions of the concept is just as unique and varied as each and every one of us are. My personal definition bliss is this: to be a nun of one in my own convent and create.
I've always been a solitary soul and I love my solitude. There's nothing I enjoy more than being at home, sitting on my living room floor surrounded by my cats and hunched over a piece of illustration board with either a pencil, pen or paintbrush in my hand. This is my passion. I have said for years, I have no desire to marry another person because, quite simply, I am deeply devoted and married to my work. The four years I worked strictly out of my home as a freelance illustrator were four of the best years of my entire life, even though I was working on illustration projects that weren't my absolute ideal. I hardly left the house and yet I was deeply in love with my life. I seldom saw anyone other than my immediate neighbors, the mailman, the UPS guy, the folks at my local grocery store or local clients. Most of my interactions with friends and family were via e-mail or phone with only the occasional meeting for coffee or dinner or the holidays to lure me outside. What can I say? I'm a natural recluse, a modern day Emily Dickenson if you will, and being a creative recluse is my absolute bliss. And the whole point of this and the several other projects I have in mind to do afterward, is to pave the way to return to this state of personal bliss.
But the longer it takes me to finish this project, the longer it's going to take to achieve that.
So while I was working on this image of Concordia, featuring my beautiful, vibrant and inspiring friend Sandy - and working on it while I had a case of the flu and yet still had to go into the office anyway due to a limited amount of sick days left - all these thoughts kept floating through my head.
My idol: Illustrator, Trina Schart HymanTime... I feel time is escaping me. Ever since my all-time favorite illustrator and personal idol, Trina Schart Hyman, died in November of 2004, I was suddenly confronted with the reality that there would be no more work from her. Anything left undone and undrawn died with her when she left this world. Her life's work was now bookended. I actually mourned her loss far more deeply than I did my own mother who also passed away from complications due to breast cancer 7 months later. Her life's work was that meaningful to me - and still is. I collect her books and still use them as my study guides.
You see, I found my first "Trina book" when I was three years old in my pediatrician's office, of all places. I found numerous other titles she had illustrated a the public library. Her artwork inspired me so much that when I was 8 years old I decided I was going to grow up and be "the next Trina" - but at the age of 35 when she passed, I felt I'd still done nothing that was truly in alignment with that desire and conviction. Suddenly this little nagging voice started to whisper to me that my time was running out and if I'm going to accomplish what that little girl dreamed of nearly 3 decades ago, I better damn well get my ass in gear and get started.
Still, I feel as though I never have enough time to do what I really want to do. I feel I should be further along on this project by now. If I'm going to achieve my goal of returning to freelancing from home within a year to a year and a half so I can do more and bring into being all the ideas that have been clamoring to be given life in the manifested world, I'm way behind schedule. The longer this project takes me to finish, the longer it'll take me to be where I want to be, doing what I not only really want to be doing but doing what I feel I should be doing with my life and living that little girls' dream.
It's time to re-prioritize. It's time to get serious about the message of Concordia. I suppose it's no coincidence she's the one who came through as Illustration 22. I needed to hear what she had to say right here, right now and I came away with the realization that it's time to get serious about following my bliss now that I've gotten refocused on what it truly is. I suppose I must also keep in mind that I'm "following" that bliss of mine - which means it IS a journey as well as a destination and to do as my friend Tawana says and "simma daan nah", relax and not get all in a bunch about where I'm not just yet but will arrive at soon enough and all in my own right timing.
And if you aren't following your Bliss or feel you've gotten off track somehow, maybe Concordia has something to impart to you, too.
